An Untitled Melancholy Poem
10.27.08 (12:31 am) [edit](Untitled, so far)
Can't see the future.
Won't turn from the past.
Present collides with future
Oh so fast.
Cannot hear my despairing screams
Amidst the tumbling sea.
All around life goes on
According to God's decree.
Will I forever be stuck
In this guilt ridden pit?
Or is that perhaps a candle far off
For me being lit?
Give me the strength, oh God,
To follow Your flickering light
Out of this Hell hole I've created,
Into Your love burning bright.
The past was attacking me again. Above is the poem that came out of it. Every time that monster comes up, I think I've finally made my peace with him, but it always comes back. This time it was a t.v. show which featured people doing what I felt -- and apparently still do-- feel like I failed at. I strongly believe that the way things have turned out are God's will and for His glory, but it's hard to let go of crushed dreams even in the face of God's reality... even one that is as awesome as the one God has so graciously bestowed on me, a true wretch.
posted by: fractalmom (reply)
post date: 10.27.08 (5:59 am)
hang in there honey. a story I have not yet shared. but true.
many years ago, (11) we tried to adopt a family of three children. the adoption was disrupted. it almost killed me. for years I struggled to understand why. Why would God take these three children from us? Why would He allow them to be separated instead of together with a family that loved them.
then, 10 years down the road, my daughter began using heroin, and well, I ended up with her children. He knew, I did not.
It all works out.
