The Super Duper Mega Church

The Super Duper Mega Church

I awoke late this morning realizing that it is Wednesday and that I haven't checked my mail since early Monday. (I am expecting two textbooks in the mail any day now. When those arrive, they tend to take up the entirety of my tiny mailbox, so it is imperative that I check the box everyday until they arrive.) I literally stumbled down the two flights of stairs to the mailbox block and opened the box door. Lo and behold, junk mail and that was it. I slammed the door shut in frustration, dropping the mail in the process. I stooped down to get the junk off the ground, grumbling at the people I bought my textbooks from because at least one of my books is overdue. One piece of mail caught my eye--a booklet entitled "2008 Fall Preview". It looked like something the University would send out, so I assumed they were already searching for places for perspective students to stay for the fall preview. I ripped open the little seal and read the first page. The page title read "4 services @ 3 times". Perplexed, I turned the booklet over to investigate the to/from and... it wasn't addressed to me. Oops. It wasn't addressed to any of my housemates either, but to someone that used to live here. Her stuff shows up in the mailbox a lot. The booklet was from the Super Duper Mega Church. Now understanding what the booklet was, I tucked it under my arm with the rest of the junk mail and proceeded to stumble up the stairs. (Yes, I am talented enough to stumble up the stairs too.) When I arrived back in my apartment with a few more scrapes than I had gone out with, I sat down in my favorite chair, pulled out the booklet and proceeded to peruse the  Super Duper Mega Church's offerings for the fall.

I read the first page. Four services, huh? Interesting. Why the need for FOUR services? It appears that the difference between them is the volume. At first I concluded that the loudest were for the old people that couldn't hear, but then when investigating the service times, found that the softest were in the morning for the early risers and the loud ones in the late morning for the non-morning people. Ah, the loud ones are for the rocker younger people like me. Gotcha. So I continued to flip through the pages... and I flipped... and I flipped... read some here, read some there... and I continued to flip... my eyes began to bug out... and I flipped some more. The booklet was twenty-seven pages long! And each page was filled with microscopic print detailing services, groups, studies and events the church has each week! I wasn't even at the Super Duper Mega Church and I already felt lost in the amount of services they were peddling at me.

I must admit, the variety of services is alluring. As I read, there were a few times where I exclaimed to myself, "OOO! I'd like to be involved with that!" either as the server or servee. Is that the draw of the Super Duper Mega Church? The sheer variety of services offered? The four worship services? The "not your average" business meetings? The hundreds of small groups? The dozens of Sunday schools? The twenty weekly courses? The never ending options for Wednesday night? The huge college group? The equally large youth group? The multiple aging and still single groups? The enormous  children's department, which by the way offers a separate class for the mentally or physically disabled children staffed by professionals? Or is it the dozens of venues in which one committed Christian could serve his or her Christ within the church walls. WHAT IS IT?!?!

Why is the Super Duper Mega church so huge that it needs several policemen to direct traffic on Sunday morning? Why is it that the Super Duper Mega Church is so obviously successful that they can afford ostentatious sculptures that tower over their parking lots while my family's church just down the street still lacks a real sanctuary after being in the the new building for four years and is staring bankruptcy in the face?

I've been to this church for concerts numerous times. Even sat in on just one of their many Wednesday night services on occasion. Walking into that place gives me the chills because the rooms are so huge! Then the people! There are so many of them that the services look more like sardine cans. The body heat is almost unbearable. And that's not even at the concerts!

Tell me, why do people flock to the Super Duper Mega Church, but zoom past my family's church, almost running over our congregation as they pull in, in their rush to get to one (or several in the case of the families in mini-vans) of the services offered by the Super Duper Mega Church?