MY side of the story. Part 3, a prelude.

MY side of the story. Part 3, a prelude.

This entry is not so much part of the story. This entry is more or less to prepare myself mentally to dive back into a chapter in my life which I have purposefully locked away and swallowed the key. I have asked myself dozens of times over the past few days since I decided to write this story exactly why it is that I want to revisit these particular memories and have struggled to answer the question in full, but not in vain.

First, of all I write this for me. Writing has always been my form of cheap therapy. I NEED to write this out for my sake. I feel as if not writing it down before has not allowed me to sort out the situation for myself and so I've created a monster. Writing about it should bring my personal demon back down to size, a size that I can better punch in the stomach and boot to Timbuktu! One reason that I have yet to write about this is for fear that the main character in this part of the story may or may not still read here. I don't mind spilling my guts to the world-- I believe in wearing everything on my sleeve-- but spilling this particular bit of guts to where he could see I fear that he will think me weak and perhaps renew his haunt. I don't mind people in general seeing me at my weakest, in retrospect only-- I think this encourages people to remember that everyone is human and vulnerable, including themselves-- but allowing my monsters to see me weak, I am not so fond of that idea. Perhaps I've put my feet on Satan's door mat, but then again by writing and sorting this out in my head I will make myself stronger in the end by better understanding myself.

Second, I write for my friends and family. I think knowing more details of this situation will help people to understand me a little better. I feel like I have mood swings due to some lasting effects of this part of my life. Please understand that I'm struggling and trying desperately hard to climb out of this grave I dug years ago, but I do relapse. Some days are better than others and each day I find I cope better.

Lastly, I write this for others out there that have or are experiencing something similar. I know of one right now. She doesn't see it in the least, but of course I didn't either when I was in the throes. Know that you are not alone and there is hope and healing in Jesus.

Now that I've scared the living daylights out of everyone near and far, I assure you all that I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually sound. There is no need to ask me about my health or the situation, just read the next entry and try to understand where this story comes from-- me, when I was about seventeen. I will probably be working this out on paper elsewhere for a few days. Do not fret then when I don't write; I'm working it out and you will see those fine results in a few days!