Bria's Blogie

I've fallen on my face and I hope to NEVER get up.

In one of my favorite worship songs, a line in the chorus says something about falling on your in awe of God. I spent quite a bit of time on my face today, not on purpose; however, I think that will be changing.

The first incident was at about 8:15 AM. I was walking from my canceled 8 AM class to the library to do some studying. As I stepped off a curb I fell flat on my face in the street. No joke. I was splayed out on the asphalt like one of those crime scene chalk drawings. I lifted my face off the ground to check my surroundings for anyone to laugh with and found no one. I laughed at me all by myself, got up dusted off my hands and went on my merry way to the library. That was really random that I just fell in the street, but no harm done except for the scratch on my hip and a bruised pride.

My last class let out early, so I thought I'd be a good overachieving tennis player and run some bleachers. As I was finishing coming down the first flight I fell again and hit the bleacher landing, again flat on my face, arms and legs everywhere. Now, falling once in a day was dumb, but falling twice... I think God had something to say to me. So I stayed down there face in the landing for a bit and had a nice chat with my Creator.

What I learned is this: I have enough pride to fill up the Serengeti. (That's supposed to be a joke, but somehow it's not working for me.) (I already knew that fact technically.) What I need to do is daily let myself fall before my King so that He can raise me up again with His strength because my strength is lacking-- obviously. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to do this, but I know it's going to start with reading my Bible more and praying continuously, like Paul instructed those in Christ Jesus to do. (1 Thess. 5:16-18) Not literally of course, but like when I'm walking to class by myself, or in case I find myself face to face with the ground again. Also, I think I'll take another hiatus. We have Good Friday off and how more appropriate could you be than to spend that day with Jesus? I think I'll spend in on Magic Mountain. It isn't really a mountain of course-- more like a hill. I've been wanting to jog it for a while--it's a very steep climb and VERY challenging-- but I think I'll take my walking stick and Bible instead and just enjoy some Jesus. When was the last time you fell on your face to worship?

 "I can't wait to fall at Your glory on my face, God of the morning..."-- Day by Day, Point of Grace

Seventy Times Seven

I realize I'm rather young to be bitter, but I find myself so: grumbling about past injustices. The bitterness always raises its ugly head when I least suspect it and manages to ruin my day. Nothing can ruin a day more than negativity and the worst sort of negative is bitterness.

Usually I put the bad behind me by learning something from it. For example, every past boyfriend I've had I could tell you exactly what he taught me. When that doesn't work, I try to rationalize the other person's actions. Like say, someone pulled out in front of me almost causing a wreck. I'll say something like, "They probably just weren't paying attention," to myself and go about my merry way. It's when these two methods don't suffice is when the bitterness clouds my mind. I can only think of 3 instances in my life that cause the bitter-monster to rear its head when I dwell upon them. 

I've always heard in church that you must forgive people who do you wrong seventy times seven times, not literally of course, but as many times as they spew their injustice. I've learned lately that the meaning isn't that you forgive them for seventy times seven incidents but seventy times seven replayings of the occasion in your head. I've found that in order to truly forgive these people and not have the bitterness take over I have to wake up every morning and forgive them for the pain they would have caused me that day had I allowed the bitterness they created to dwell in my conscious mind. 

It's really hard to forgive sometimes. In those 3 instances I mentioned above, those fall in the hard category for me. It just wasn't fair and in at least 2 of those incidents, I myself am one of the culprits. That's who I have the hardest time forgiving: myself. When learning something and rationalizing don't work, I have to just forgive on the notion that Jesus has forgiven me of all my monstrosities including those 2 and for killing Him every time I sin. If the creator of the universe can forgive me, I should forgive myself and others too.

Life update

Hey there, strangers! Sorry about not writing in over a month!! Between tennis season and 17 hrs. of class, I'm really busy. Thought I'd give a quick update though.

Tennis season is going good so far; we've beat all the people we were supposed to and did well against the ones we didn't win. My classes are going well too, although I have 2 tests this week so that could change if I'm not careful. My major classes are a pain because the prof. teaches directly from the textbook. I learn more reading the book; if I could I'd just not go to class, but attendance is required at my little university. Tennis team is gallivanting all over the state next week during our spring break and once I get back, I'll take up my old post at the tennis shop as the people that usually take those hours are going home for the break.

I've made over $500 so far on eBay towards my trip to Spain. :-D Not bad for a very part time job over 3 months. I'm also about to get an influx of books from church people, so that number will hopefully continue to steadily rise. Keep an eye out in the right side panel for an update of how I'm doing there. I think I'll be ok on the trip as long as I keep working hard; however, you're donation would help! *sheepish grin* I am so tired of begging for money. I'm also trying to raise funds for the local chapter of Big Brothers, Big Sisters. I've asked everyone I know for money for either my trip or that cause! My next option is to set up shop in front of the local Wal-Mart and beg there, like I did when I was a Girl Scout, except I had awesome cookies then.

I'm hoping to move out next fall semester and get my "own" place, with a couple friends. One of the apartment complexes I looked at said I couldn't bring my sugar glider with me because they don't accept rodent pets. He lives in a cage for cryin' out loud! I'd think they'd prefer something in a cage over a dog or cat running around all over the place. Unfortunately, the cheapest/nicest looking place so far my mom claims is the middle of druggie town. The apartments are gated, so I'd feel fine there. The next cheapest are the houses and apartments the university owns. I really don't want to do that because I feel like the university gets enough of my money as it is. The place I really want costs nearly twice as much, but it's also twice as nice and caters toward students (although with that in mind, I can't for the life of me understand why the lease is 11 1/2 months long).

And of course the customary prayer request: a friend of mine just found out that his fiance is pregnant. His parents aren't speaking to him and have dropped all his bills, so he's in quite a pickle. At least he's doing the honorable thing and marrying the girl before the baby arrives. So if you would keep him--I'll call him "S" -- his fiance--"C"-- and their families in your prayers, I'd be most grateful.