Bria's Blogie

Going to tennis camp-- as a counselor this time.

Computer messaging to your cell phone.

I should listen to my heart.

Myth #28

"When asked the basis on which they form their moral choices, nearly half of all adults (44 percent) cited their desire to do whatever will bring them the most pleasing or satisfying results. About one out of four adults (24 percent) lean primarily upon religious principles and teaching or Bible content when making moral decisions."-- Barna Research Group (2001)

Psalm 32:8, 37: 4; Proverbs 3:5-6; Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 22:37, 39; John 4:16-17, 16:7-11; Ephesians 1:18
(By the way, I bother to put these on here so that I have a Bibical basis for what I say and in the hopes that someone will actually read these before reading my comments to 1) descern what God has for them personally in this myth and 2) in case something I say isn't exactly Biblical someone will catch it and point me in the right direction.)

Oh the eternal internal heart v. head/God battle. What a heated battle rages between the two--always has, always will, forever and ever amen. I often have a difficult time discerning what is my heart and what is Big Guy Upstairs talking. It's difficult because occasionally they're in tune with each other, occasionally they're complete opposites, and other times they're somewhere in between. There's not a pattern to discern. (I tend to work in patterns.) As a result, when I have something big to decide I let it simmer in my thoughts for a while before coming to a decision, hopfully being completely satisfied that what I'm choosing is God's way and not my own. I'm rarely that sure, but sometimes you just gotta take the leap and hope God's there to with a magic carpet in the middle of the air to fly you gently to the bottom of the canyon and not the anvil of your own desires that plumits you straight to hades, like Wylie Coyote. (I loved Wylie as a kid.) I did write a poem about this once nearly four years ago. Sorry, you're going to suffer through my poetry.

[Untitled]

Under lock and chain Heart resides./Untamed, wild beast/Poised to attack Mastermind/If one lock removed./Ferocious thing calls to its master/Pleading for release,/"We can work together./We can compromise."/Raging animal rattles and shakes the chains/"What could it hurt/To work together in harmony?"/Asks Mastermind/"One more lock, if you please,"/Requests heart/Teeth gritted with forced niceties./With a clink, clack, rattle, rock/Wild child is freed/Lunges toward its commander./Heart ravages Master/Yet Master prevails in battle/Sends Heart back to chains until next time/When Heart's chains rattle and plead again.

(Didn't feel like putting the correct indentions in due to way the post engine works--have to reset the font and size each time I hit enter-- so I've put the poem in lyrical form, but make not mistake, this is not a song nor was it meant to be.)

It must have been my fault. I should have done something

Myth #27

"80 percent of divorces are unilateral, rather than truly mutual decisions. In other words, no amount of hard work can make your spouse remain comitted to you."-- Frank F. Furstenberg, Jr. and Andrew J. Cherlin

Psalms 19:12; Luke 11:4, 19:1-10; Romans 5:8, 8:1; Colossians 1:13-14

I blame myself for everything under the sun on occasion. If only I had tried a little harder or encouraged this person a little more. I think what I and anyone else in such a pattern should realize is that we do not have a big "S" on our chest, nor wear a red cape; we can't rescue everybody from their pitfalls; we can't even rescue ourselves. That's where Jesus comes in; He gets to be the superhero this time and rescue everybody from all their sins. Actually He did that a couple millenia ago. (My church's VBS is superhero themed this year. haha.) Let the real superhero do His job; forgive yourself so you can accept His forgiveness too.

God is a Republican.

Myth #26

(Wanted a good pool of responses to my last post, so I took a day off from myths, but they're back, no worries.)

"If God is a Republican, then most Christians in America are registered for the wrong party-- 40 percent of born again adults said they were Republicans, compared to 47 percent Democrats and Independents."--Barna Research Group (2001)

Deuteronomy 10:17; Matthew 7:1-5, 10:16; John 18:36; Acts 5:29, 10:34-35; Romans 2:1-4, 11

That quote seems a little sketchy to me. Is the forty-seven percent the Democrats and Independents combined or individually? No matter, the truth in the myth still stands. I've always been of the camp that God is above and beyond human labels like Democrat or Republican, meaning it is impossible for Him to fit in a human made category like that. Personally, I count myself as a moderate conservative, but I vote indepently. My goal is to pick the best candidate for the job. At the last congressional election around here, I voted for a Democrat and when I told one of my friends he figured I had might as well had voted for the devil. This fellow is a good guy and had been our representative for about twenty-five years. He was voted out, unfortunantly. Anyway, all this to say that I would think God would like us to be involved and at least aware of our government and it's doings at all levels. Being apathetic is just not acceptable to me; people complain about what's going on in the government all the time but they never go to polls to do a thing about it. Step up and make your opinion count. It's like saying thank you to all the people that have faught to keep that right for us. 

Leading prayer

I'm taking a break from my devo myths tonight, but I do pose a question that has been floating around in my head recently.

What is the purpose of someone "leading a prayer" or praying outloud when many Christians are present?

Every Christian I know has/will do this at one point or another be asked to "lead the prayer". Does a Christian need leading in a prayer? My grandmother isn't the smartest lady on the planet, but she is wise; she described praying as talking on the telephone. Last I checked there was no one babbling in the background while I was on the phone, unless it was my sister trying to annoy me on purpose, but that doesn't count. Jesus Himself taught to seek out a private place when praying. (Matthew 6:5-8) Perhaps not a physicaly private place, but at least a mental one since it is often hard to find a place to be alone in our world anymore. And what's with these 10 minute long prayers out loud? Do we really need to repeat our requests over and over again in the same prayer? Do we need to put Jesus' name in the prayer every time we take a breath? Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Myth #25: I as a woman can never play a truly important role in church.

"Men are the senior pastors of more than 90 percent of Protestant churches. However, women shoulder most of the responsibility for the health and vitality of the Christian faith in the country. Women are 33 percent more likely to volunteer for a church than are men."-- Barna Research Group (2000)

Genesis 1:27; 1 Samuel 25; Judges 4; 1 Corinthians 11:3, 14:34; Galatians 3:28; Ephesians 5:21-33; Colossians 1:9-14

I am currently still sorting out an opinion on this issue, so I don't have much to say as to an opinion. I worked at the church moving 10ft. 2X4s and some heavy metal shelving like you see at Wal-Mart, so currently typing is giving my forearms lightening bolts of pain, so again I don't care to say much. The facts from the Good Book are layed out there for anyone wanting to delve into the issue. I suppose you could say my gut instinct is to say that limiting women's roles in the church is a load of poo, but then I recall that the men are to be the heads of house hold, which makes sense to me only in the light that men to be bigger than women and can more easily scare off bad guys. *shrugs* So my happy medium I've found so far lies with that Ephesians section there, saying that we each have what we're called for and that's that. Sorry I'm not exactly writing flowery prose or being insightful. I'm rather tired too, but I convinced myself that if I didn't do this one tonight, then I'd get in a habit of not doing my devo again. (That's happened a bazillion times.) So in conclusion, we all have our individual places, and the woman's place is not by the stove because her feet are shorter. Ha! :-D

Myth #24: I should know God's plan for my life.

"We do not seek a word from God to prove He is real s we can have a relationship with Him. Rather, as we seek to develop an intimate relationship with Him, we will hear Him speak to us."-- Henry Blackaby

Psalm 32:8; Psalm 73:24; Jeremiah 29:13; 1 Corinthians 1:9; 2 Corinthians 5:7; Hebrews 11:1, 8

Praise God this is a myth and not a fact; I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have a general plan-- eat, sleep, go to class, etc. but beyond that I suppose you could say I ride the breeze the Holy Spirit blows, or at least try to. Often the breeze becomes more of a blustering northerner, and I do my best then to hold on for dear life to anything but the current. Those winds directed from above are what we have to hold tight to with white knuckles if we must. Let me encourage those who feel they may be on God's particular list of those that need a change of course. You'll know in your heart when this happens. Trust me. 

I ended up dating Greg-- the current, wonderful boyfriend of mine-- while holding on to that wind for only the second time in my life. I had been trying to get him to leave me alone and quite asking me out on dates for over a year, and then one day *poof* I knew it was the right thing to do-- just give in. *shrugs* I'm still not sure why; I was quite conformtable in my "no dating" policy-- which was instated by the only other gale I've ever held to-- but I knew it was time. I just knew. 

Unfortuantly, much of the storage space my brain allows for info is taken up by music lyrics. As a result, I can tie almost anything to a song, and here is an example. This reminds me of a Stephen Curtis Chapman song called Dive. Lyrics are as follows: "... My heart is racing and my knees are weak/As I walk to the edge/I know there is no turning back/Once my feet have left the ledge/And in the rush I hear a voice/ That's telling me it's time to take a leap of faith/ So hear I go/ (Chorus) I'm diving in, I'm going deep in over my head, I want to be/Caught in the rush/Lost in the flow/In over my head I want to go/The river's deep, the river's wide, the river's water is alive/So sink or swim I'm diving in..."

Dive in, and hang on for dear life itself!

Retrospection on Myth #20: I am what I do.

As you may recall, I was having a bit of trouble demythitizing (what a "word") myth 21. I did a little more studying and introspection while on my trip and just now while I was in the shower. (My most brilliant thoughts generally occur in the shower. I am SO cool.) 

I have realized that the reason I have I hard time understanding this statement is because of my position in life as a student. My entire goal as a student is to achieve and be recoginzed for those achievements. That's not a bad thing really; I struggled with the good v. bad decision on that for a while. I need to have an achievement for myself mindset now so I can have a more achievement for God mindset later in my chosen profession. Without the current mindset the later cannot be achieved because I won't be in that profession without selfish achievement. I have definatly concluded that I NEED to counterbalance this attitude while a student with a healthy dose of community service. Thankfully, in order to get into physical therapy school volunteering in a hospital is required, no exceptions. So that's where I will be every summer from now until I apply for school-- in a physical therapy office lending a hand in whatever way I can free of charge. During the school year, I have to perform at least 6 hours of community service a semester for my greek-- gamma beta phi--so I'm covered there. Here is my prayer: Lord, help me to keep achievement for You my supreme achievement. Thanks ya'll.

Myth #23: We should live together before we get married to make sure we're compatible.

"Those who cohabitate or live together before marriage have a 50 percent highter possiblity of divorce than those who do not."-- M.D. Newcomb and P.M. Bentler

Genesis 2:24; Song of Songs 2:7; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

I had thought about this topic a while back when people I knew first started getting married. I always wondered, "How did they know that this was going to work?" The only answer I could find for myself was cohabitation. After further study, I've found that living together is NOT a solution due to reasons much like the quote stated above. All my friends that have gotten married recently when asked how they knew their new spouse was "the one" they replied with varying versions of "I just had this gut feeling." So I suppose be on the look out for that "feeling" if you're still searching, but don't be so aware that you're looking for that "feeling" that you create an illusion of it for yourself. That's an easy trap to fall into. (Sadly, been there, done that in my short life.) That's all I've got. Don't get too excited, ok?

Explore music from around the world!

I love music. I love all kinds of music. I found the following link at National Geographics' page entertaining. You should have seen me a moment ago; I was totally doing a tango. http://worldmusic.nationalgeo... I will probably be busy all evening sifting through all these different musical styles. *squeals!* I'm so excited!

Update: The website http://www.calabashmusic.com offers with their FREE membership a FREE daily music download. Isn't this exciting! Of course if you find something else you like you can always just buy the song individually for $1 or 10 songs for $8 or 20 songs for $15. Oh my freakin gosh, I am SO excited about this, you have no idea! 

Myth #22: I don't need to get involved-- someone else will do it.

"Although women are more active in church life than are men, their levels of participation in many aspects of church life-- from worship attendence to volunteerism-- are significantly declining."-- Barna Research Group (2000)

Deuteronomy 22:4; Judges 17:6; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Luke 10:25-37; Roman 12:15; Galatians 6:1; Ephesians 4:15; 1 John 3:18

I'd just like to open with a quote from the study itself: "When we slack in upholding our responsibility to look out for those within our church, then ignoring moral decay on the job, in our neighborhoods and in our nation is even easier." That's quite a slippery slope there, but I feel that something close to that could happen, is happening, since our rears are not in gear. I rarely step in and mention it when I see a bro or sis struggling with something. I suppose I don't because of the few times I've said anything, my report has been shot down with "No, I don't have that kind of problem." statements, followed by their complete isolation from me. I tend to figure the relationship is more important than the helping them to recognize sin. I haven't had a really hard time here lately, but that's because I've only approached maybe one or two people and those have been encredibly close to me, closer than a brother type people. I'm not advocating standing on a street corner and sticking your head in every car to tell the occupants exactly what you see wrong with them, but if someone you truly love is hurting themselves or someone else then you might want to say something to them before it's too late. I saw a news magazine show on tv not too long ago in which some actor kids were set up in a busy park to where three would play bully the left over one kid. Most of the people in the park just passed by, or at most they'd glance around and leave. It usually took at least five minutes for someone to step in and stop the bullying. What kind of society are we living in which people don't step in to help an innocent child? That's sick.

In the church so much depends on people getting involved. Actually, without volunteer Sunday school teachers, board members, etc. the churchs' activities could not function. I know at my church we depend alot on volunteers, especially since we moved to our new building. Alot of that building was raised by volunteers from within the church. It's actually kind of fun walking down the halls and pointing stuff out to myself. "I did that, and I did that. I can do some pretty cool stuff!" For instance, I put up some of the drywall in what will eventually become our vestibule. I just think that's cool. The people that put that stuff up were all volunteers. Perhaps we made a few boo boos, but it doesn't look half bad. In fact, next weekend is an all church work-a-thon. Basically, we all get together and go to work on whatever big project is in store, this time being the platform for our new sanctuary. If enough people don't come, the thing won't get built and perhaps we'll have to put off getting out of the "sanctinasium" for another year. :-p If people hadn't volunteered their time, money and effort to build the building in the first place, we'd be meeting out on the street. Perhaps your church isn't building right now, but I'm sure there's a Sunday school room needing a teacher, or maybe one of the doors doesn't have a greeter person to man it or maybe the printer needs a little fixing in the office or maybe the pastor could use a little encouragment. Whatever you have a niche in, let God use that in the church. Maybe it's not your favorite niche but you do have some skill in it. That doesn't matter; as long as you can perform the task God will give you the cheerful volunteer attitude as He sees fit. 

I have returned! *BWAHAHAHA*

Myth #21: God will never forgive me for _____.

"Half of all adults (50 percent) believe that a person who does good can earn a place in heaven."-- Barna Research Group (2002)

 Psalm 51:17, 103:10-12; John 19:30; Galatians 2:21; 1 John 1:9

I get a bad case of "I'm just too bad" sometimes, but I've realized this is a ploy of satan to wean me away from the cross. Mean ol' devil! That jerk can pull another version of this same wool when you start to believe that maybe your sin wasn't so bad after all. Either way, you're judging your own sin--which isn't a complete view-- and putting grace on a shelf. Neither of those is a good thing.

In the first scenario, take a look at the famous people of God in the Bible; none of them were great moralists by any standards. Moses was a murderer; Saul tortured and killed people. Even David-- a man after God's own heart-- was an adulterer. If God's grace has been sufficient for all these people and millions throughout history like them, then I think He can handle my sin and yours just fine.

In the second scenario, do not take God's grace forgranted; remember all those Israelites and how He punished them for not meeting His standards. Good thing we have the cross for a solution. Remember too that each and every sin is equal in the eyes of God. You might have stolen a 5 cent piece of bubble gum, but that's equal to making off with the Hope diamond as far as God's concerned.

Well, on a different note, I'm taking a road trip to visit some family, because my cousin's husband just graduated from Texas State. (Does that make him my "cousin-in-law" ?) I don't know when I'll be back. Don't miss me too much! 

Myth #20: I am what I do.

"One indicator that Americans tend to identify themselves with their career is that most teens believe occupational or career success is necessary to lead a fulfilling adult life."-- Barna Research Group (1999)

Psalm 46:10; Isaiah 43:1; Jeremiah 29:11, 31:3; John 1:12, 6:37; Ephesians 1:5, 2:8-9; Colossians 2:10

It's so easy to get wrapped up into believing that all you are is what is on your resume. I find it especially hard being in college, because that's what my goal is right now: to get that degree. I live that degree; I sweat that degree; I am that degree, or so I thought. I suppose I've had this belief weaved into my thought pattern my whole life which is probably why I'm such an over achiever. I've always been pushed or pushed myself to go the extra mile so that more doors will open for me and my future. I suppose that's not wrong, but I'm beginning to think that somewhere something's not quite right. 

The study says that all we truly are either believers or non-believers, or that's what it all boils down to in the end. I suppose that's right; I can't take my achievements with me to enternity. I don't think God will put me ahead in line because I was in this honor society or won this particular trophey. When I was going through the whole "exactly who am I?" I learned that it doesn't matter who you are; it matters whose you are. The study adds a bit to make the saying, "It doesn't matter who you are or what you do; it matters whose you are." I guess what I'm really saying in all of this is that I'm going to have to do some self-searching the next few days on this one. Any comments, opinions, encouragement etc. would be helpful.

Myth #19: I've got to have those shoes.

Shesh, I've had alot of energy today. Right now at 1:45 am I am feeling about like I do right before I go to bed which is generally around 12, so... I guess my internal clock is running a few hours behind. I've probably been getting too much sleep. I've just been bored alot and when I get bored I sleep to make the time pass faster. It was kinda fun bouncing off the walls though. :-D Anyway, to the myth...

Quote: "Studies estimate that as many as 17 million Americans, better than 1 of 20 of us, can't control our urge to shop, even at the expense of our job, our marriage, our family and our finances."

Key Verses: Joshua 7; Luke 12:15; 1 Corinthians 5:11; Philippians 4:10-12; 1 Timothy 6:6-8, 17

I can honestly say I have no greed problem when it comes to shopping, except when it comes to shoes. (I was cleaning my closet last summer and found that I had 5 pair of brown flip flops.) The shoes thing is genearlly an accident though-- 2 pair were gifts and 1 pair I bought forgetting I already had a pair of flats. The reason I'm not a shop-a-holic though would be not because I wouldn't like to have more clothes, but more because I don't like anything that the stores have to offer these days. I'm picky; I want something at least a little trendy, modest and affordable. Apparently that's asking alot because all that is trendy covers nothing or is so skin tight that you might as well be wearing nothing. Most of the clothes that do fit my style criteria are WAY out of my price range, so here I sit in my jeans and event t-shirts. Yeah me! 

For the shop-a-holics out there, the study suggests: 1) When you go to make a purchase, ask yourself what is driving this impulse to buy. Are you trying to satisfy yourself with things when things aren't the answer? 2) Give yourself a 36 hour wait period before you purchase any "must have" item. 3) Think of your budget. 4) If you don't have a budget, get one.

So if someone knows of a shop or store that I could find clothes that fit my criteria that are casual business type attire, let me know! (I love the Express look.) 

Myth #18: The church should meet my needs.

Quote: "The local church is the classroom for learning how to get along in God's family. It is a lab for practicing unselfish, sympathetic love."-- Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life

Key Verses: Matthew 6:33, 16:18; Acts 2:42-47; 1 Corinthians 12:27; Galations 6:2, 10; Ephesians 4:16, 5:25-27; Colossians 3:15-16

I must admit that I've been pulled into this one and am still trying to work my way out. Luckly, I realized a while back that this a compelete lie of satan, and now I know how to fix this problem within myself. Yeah!

The study reminds us that going to church isn't about us at all, but it's about Jesus. That may sound like a "duh" factor, but I've definatly forgotten that, and I would imagine I'm not the only one. Church hunting has it's place, like when you move to a new community, but you're not going to find the "perfect church". Pick out one you fit with the best and stick with it. I know this one family that church hops alot. They'll go to one consistantly for a few years tops and then hop to the next one. First of all, the adults are not keeping in mind that no matter the music, or oratary style or the amount of ministries they're all aimed at Jesus. Second, I really don't think such an environment is good to raise a family in. I don't know about the anyone else, but I know when I had to pick up my shallow roots as a kid, it was rather traumatic. I was painfully shy as a kid, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad for an outgoing kid, but it was horrible for me. I think it's an especially good idea to not church hop with a family.  

So yes, in conclusion, remember church is for Jesus, not for you. Jesus likes every kind of music, every kind of preacher, every kind of ministry so long as its not heretical and done in His name. 

Myth #17: I need to maintain a certain lifestyle.

Quote: "[In our media-saturated culture,] people can see, in agonizing deatil, all the expensive thing they will never possess. This may make what typical person possesses seem insufficient, even if the person is one of the tens of millions of Americans living, but the standards of history, in unprecedented comfort and freedom."-- Gregg Easterbrook

Key Verses: Deuteronomy 8:10-18; Matthew 19:23-29; Luke 12: 29-31; 1 Corinthians 3:12-13; Hebrews 13:5

This gets me so angry-- the lie the American culture feeds to it's people and the rest of the world that we have to keep up with the Jones' so to speak. Why are our appetites for stuff so insatiable? We buy tv screens as large as walls. Do we really need a tv that big? We purchase immaculate homes with more rooms than we know what to do with. I know we don't need houses that large. WHY? I think many people have lost touch with what they NEED and what the WANT. There is a huge difference. Want would be something you could continue living without just fine, and need would be something absolutely necessary. My sister pulls one with that alot; she's my fashion opposite and so has to have the trendiest everything. My parents and grandparents often ask her when she drags them on one of her shopping sprees, "Do you really need that 4th sparkley belt?" She will reply, "Oh yes! I don't have one in this color yet and so-and-so does!" On the rare occasion that I go shopping, before making a purchase, I ask myself, "Is this something I need or do I just want it." I end up putting lots of thing back on the shelf that way. It definatly helps keep down on the clutter in my room though. The things I do have are stuff I use, not junk that I used that one time and now is rotting away. So ya, next time you go to purchase something, make sure it's something you need, not just a want. 

The study suggests that the amount or glamourousness of the things you own are not the indicators of an unhealthy view of money, but your attitude is. I would have to agree, except attitudes often lead to actions and in this case lots and lots of frivalous stuff. In examining your attitude, compare yours with Jesus': contentment, outrageous generosity, impenetrable joy, unselfishness. I tend to be a tightwad, because I'm always thinking, "If I don't spend this money, then that's a little bit less money I'll have to get in student loans." I think after my past, huge amounts of debt scares me the most. I just hope I can quit being a tightwad once I get done with school and paying for it. I don't want to be like the man that saved up tons of grain for a rainy day and then it all went to waste (Luke 12:16-21). I want to be generous when I have enough to be generous with! I suppose I'm worried that I won't know when enough is enough. Sounds like a God thing to me, because I know little to nothing about finances; I do good to keep my check book balanced.

Ah well, this has gone on long enough. Fare thee well!

My added key verses: Luke 12:16-21; Psalm 49:16-17

Tennis season end report

Well, the tennis season ended last weekend. The team won the conference and I got Freshman of the Year in the conference, but that's not what has excited me the most.

I'm excited the most about being part of a team; I'm excited to matter. I never got to play on the traveling varsity team in high school; the only time I saw varsity match play was once when a girl was injured and many times as a give away match. It feels SO amazing to matter; it feels wonderful to know that someone--several someones actually-- believe in me and my abilities on the court enough to entrust part of our score to me. I've got warm fuzzies. hehe.

Myth #16: Today's media can't signicicantly influence my life.

This one's going to have to be quick because it has been storming on and off all night here, and I don't feel like being electrocuted today.

Myth #16: Today's media can't significantly influence my life.

Quote: "The average American watches twenty-five hours of television per week."-- Focus on the Family

Key Verses: Psalm 26:2-3; Proverbs 2:11, 4:23; Romans 12:2; Philippians 2:15, 4:8; 1 Thessalonians 5:23

I've been there too; I've said to myself, "The media can't get to me; I'm stronger than that, especially in the small doses I take it in." I was wrong. I would say alot of the spiritual problems I run across in my life today are due to being rather attatched to this culture which is presented to me mainly through the media. I find myself looking for hard facts where only faith will satisfy. I find myself so used to profanity, violence, and crime that it doesn't even phase me anymore. Thanks, media, thanks a whole lot. I'd be willing to say that even the small doses are not helpful. With this issue all one can do is examine themselves and their habits, then compare with God's word and the old "What Would Jesus Do?"

Its lightening again, so I had better log off. The study leaves with a good point though and I'll end with that too. "...if you aren't looking out for your mental purity, who is?"

Myth #15:The men in my life would never look at porn.

My New Testament class is over--praise God-- so I'm starting up the Myths again for my personal study time like I promised. Getting back to studying for myself is such a huge relief. I feel like my soul is free from bondage not being in that class anymore. I think all the angels sang the hallelujah chourus today when I left that classroom for the final time, or at least I know I sang and skipped home. :-D

Just a reminder, this is a study coming from the pages of my Bible--True Identity: the Bible for Women (TNIV). My method: read the study section and copy quote and key verses from study followed by my commentary and opinions. Again, this is my studying, so basically me thinking "out loud to myself" as I've so eloquently called it before.

Myth #15: The men in my life would never look at porn.

Quote: "Forty-seven percent of Christians admit that pornography is a major problem in their homes."-- Internet Filter Review. "Pornography Statistics 2003"

Key Verses: John 3:19-21, 8:32; 1 Corinthians 4:5; Ephesians 5:3, 11; Hebrews 13:4

Nearly every time I put thought into this topic I end up with tears streaming down my face. I cry because I would say 85% of the guys in my life that I am close to have confessed to me that they have major problems with this issue, and with the way they talk, the remaining 15% just haven't told me. Hearing this makes me sick at heart and soul; if every guy I know looks at porn regularly, then what hope do I have that my future husband won't? It makes me feel inadequate. By looking at porn, my future husband is saying to me that I'm not good enough to save his eyes just for me; I'm just not enough to satisify him and never will be. Perhaps that sounds trivial to many a Christian and probably insane to any non-Christian, but that's how I feel--inadequate.

I'm a helper by nature, so my first instinct when someone comes out about porn to me is to fix it for them. Obviously I can't, so I try to keep them accountable. That doesn't work too well, because let's face it, I'm female and can't fully understand. They need to be accountable to each other. So the first step to recovery from this sinful addiction--of which it is-- is to recognize the problem then to find an accountability partner for this fellow. We ladies can't do much there either, because they need to pick out their own partner. (It takes so much strength for me to just let them take care of it themselves. I like to be in control of things, especially important things like this.) After those steps, sometimes the men need clinical help. (This entire post probably sounds absolutely ridciulous to anyone that's not of a moralistic faith. "Porn is wrong? People who look at porn need therapy?! HAHAHAHA!" I can hear the laughter now. *shrugs* Oh well, I'll blaze onward.) If you think you or someone you know could use one, get in contact with Focus on the Family ( http://www.family.org ); they can refer you to a specialized therapist in your area.

The Used

I generally try to not talk or respond much to the professor's attempt at discussion in any class except for honor's classes. Today I was reminded of exactly why.

American Lit. class is ending and as I gather my things I feel a light tap on my shoulder. I turn around and there is a girl from the other side of the classroom standing behind me with a curiously apologetic grin on her face. 

"Could we get together later and I copy some of your notes from when I was absent? I noticed you take good notes." How would she know that I take good notes? She sits on the other side of the room, and due to the distance probably has never seen my notes before. The notes I take are hardly legible to me and often make little to no sense either. I don't recall her being absent more than a day anyway. What is this all about? Then I remember my talking. She knows I know something about this subject and wants me to tutor her for the final.

*rolls eyes* This is why I try to keep my mouth shut. I'm not mean spirited and despise helping people--I love helping out actually-- I just don't enjoy helping people that don't help themselves, in fact I resent it. Why I know this fellow student isn't helping herself will follow shortly.

"Ok. Sure." I reply. The girl gets a big grin on her face.

"What's your number?" I tell her my number then she asks, "Sorry, but what's your name?" Not only am I doing this almost complete stranger a huge favor but she doesn't even know my name. Lovely. Names are very important to me so this hurts a little, but hurts even more when I recall that the professor often calls on me by name in class because she knows she'll get an at least somewhat intelligent response from me. This girl obviously hasn't been paying attention in class--aka helping herself-- otherwise she'd know my name. 

At this point I'm a little annoyed, then another student from the other side of the room enters our conversation with, "Can I come too?" Great. I'll just tutor the whole class! (I jumped to this conclusion because the entire class, like these two, rarely speaks besides myself and a few other students and from talking with the class before the professor arrives each day I know that they are bad English students because they hardly ever read their assignment or study for tests.)

I agree to have the other join in and quickly make tentative plans for a Sunday evening study session and slip out the door before the other students that have heard our conversation and don a rather hopeful look on their face can jump on board as well. 

Maybe I'm just cold hearted, but I payed attention in class and took those notes and studied hard. I'm not apt to share what I know through my own hard labor with someone that has put little to no effort into gaining the same knowledge that was presented to me. 

The daVinci Code

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