Warning Label (#2)
12.29.05 (8:05 pm) [edit]Again, I believe I have found a comical warning label. This time on a turkey. My mom got a free turkey somehow, but we didn't have time to cook it for Christmas, so we cooked it up today to eat a little bit now, and take the rest to a New Years party. (They told us to bring leftovers!) So anyway, we were reading the packaging to discover how to cook this bird when we stumbled upon the following warning:
"Do not microwave turkey."
What IDIOT would try to microwave a 8.5 pound turkey?!?!?!
About everyone getting engaged...
12.26.05 (6:10 pm) [edit]About everyone getting engaged...
QUIT IT!!! IT'S FREAKING ME OUT!
It is REALLY weird, but I do congratulate all of you. Please relay your dates to me as quickly as possible, as I'd like to come to everyone's but my calendar is filling fast!
The Worst Christmas Present EVER
12.26.05 (5:25 pm) [edit]It's true; I have received the worst Christmas present in the history of Christmas.
I was gleefully ripping open packages yesterday, when I uncovered this horror. The present was from my grandma--she's very quality oriented-- so I expect good things from her. I was totally off with this particular present. There, inside a box nestled in pine green tissue paper lied a cross about 5 inches tall, 3 across with the word "LOVE" emblazened down the center. I figured, "Oh, a nick-nack wall hanging," which we all know I don't do knick-knacks--have to keep them dusted, which requires effort, which I am also not into, unless pressed. I already was groaning at the thought of pretending to appreciate the gift by putting it somewhere in my room when I lifted the cross out of the box and discovered a sterling silver chain looped gracefully through the top. THE WOMAN IS WANTING ME TO WEAR THIS MONSTROSITY AS A NECKLACE!!!!!
It looks like a white kid's bling. I'm so not even kidding. I CANNOT wear this around my neck, as that may warrant my being shot, but if I don't wear it, Grandma may shoot me anyway. After this gift--my mom and sister got one almost identicle--and the increasingly strange and hurtful things Grandma has been prone to do for the past little while, we've come to the conclusion, she is losing her mind. Why else would anyone put a huge cross on a chain to wear around their neck, unless they were copying all those rappers? I assure you, my grandma has never heard of the G-Unit, or anyone else, and if she has, she more than likely thinks them repulsive. Unless, she's gone that crazy and is trying to get her family to look like her new idols. I'm scared.
Footprints in the Sand
12.25.05 (12:12 pm) [edit]
"Footprints in the Sand
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
written by Mary Stevenson" (courtesy of http://www.llerrah.com/footpr...)
I know we've all read this poem a bazillion times, but I needed something to go along with the awesome picture; it just seemed incomplete. I'm not 100% of the correctness of authorship here, because every copy of that poem I've ever seen has been deemed "Author Unknown" which is why the poem's on posters, coffee mugs, sweaters, and I'm sure someone somewhere has it tatooed on their back because people do stupid stuff like that. The site I copied the poem from--because I'm too lazy to type it in when someone else already has :-)--stated that's who wrote it.
Warning Label
12.25.05 (11:37 am) [edit]I like to read warning labels, because ever now and again, there will be one that is flat out hilariuos. Such as the following:
"Take special attention when touching the products box, user's manual and accessories to avoid cuts."-- iAudio U2 manual.
That cracks be up because someone had to sue the company for a paper cut in order for that statement to have been put in the manual. First, it was hot coffee, now it's paper cuts. I'd like to sue these people for stupidity. I can't remember who said this--I think it may have been Greg-- but what they basically said was this: Let's remove all the warning labels from everything; then the stupid people will take care of themselves, will not produce anymore stupid people, therefore; ridding the world of stupid people one paper cut at a time! YES!!!!!!
You know you\'re a hick when... (#3)
12.24.05 (11:04 am) [edit]"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO
Your not going to believe this but i was listening to country music and i like it!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhh
i should've never started to listen to that song ahhhhhhhhhh
i live in the country
i say redneck stuff(y'all)
im scared......................... somebody help me through this time of hurt and horrific atmosphere"
-courtesy of my buddy Shay. :-D
Vote for me!!!!!!!!!
12.23.05 (11:35 pm) [edit]O ya... vote for me. I'm running for featured blog on tblog again. Woo-hoo. Can't you tell I'm excited? Just trying to get rid of tbucks. If you need some, by all means, PLEASE message me, and I will toss a few your way.
Christmas presents
12.20.05 (4:15 pm) [edit]I think I know almost everything I am getting this Christmas. My family keeps saying that I'm at "that age" where they can't just pick something out, and hope I like it because that just doesn't fly. *shrugs* I suppose they're right; I am one of the pickiest people I know. Well, maybe picky isn't the word. I don't buy alot of things because they either are too expensive, I don't need it--just want it--, or it's not just right--the picky part. Like this coat I found at the mall today. It was a gorgeous coat, a really expensive brand, but it was on sale something major, so I took a look. I loved it at first-- brown background with cream little "dots" that weren't dots really, longer to where it covered your end, and very shapely. Then I looked at the buttons. It seemed to me like it was missing a button, but when I investigated the way it was made more, found that there were supposed to be exactly two buttons. I have a love of odd numbers, so the fact that there were two made me almost throw the coat back on the rack in repulsion. I also found a gorgeous formal I again almost took home with me, but didn't. I wasn't looking for a formal, but this one caught my eye-- fading from wine red (one of my favorite colors) to pink on the hem, a sheer sheath over the entire thing that parted in the middle, and beaded flowers, and dots all over. Best of all, it fit me perfectly, was my favorite style of formal which I usually don't look good in, and it was only $75. BUT... the beads... on the top between each bit of beads was a string attatching each bit of beads--where the machine had jumped to the next beading project on the dress. I didn't like that, so I put it back. So I suppose I can be picky; I just don't buy things unless I fall in love with them, or just HAVE to get something-- like pens for school or something. Generally, I'm easy going about presents, unless they're totally useless. For instance, my uncle gave me a set of three boxes one Christmas. They're tall showy, storage boxes in three pastel shades that don't exactly match my room, but close enough, and have "crystal" knobs on the top. Cute, but a knick-knack. I don't like knick-knacks; those little annoying things that serve no further purpose than to sit on a shelf and be looked at. I want something that is useful.
Well, I've a Christmas party to attend. See ya'll later!
friends coming out of the closet
12.19.05 (2:49 pm) [edit]It's akward when one discovers old friends have decided that they are gay. Everytime I do a search in Myspace or Facebook, I discover at least one old pal that's "come out of the closet". This makes me laugh because most of the people I'm finding grew up in my hometown with me; the buckle of the Bible belt, and the third most conservative city in the nation. What irony.
(To whom it may concern: I am in no way singling out the gay population and calling they themselves weird. I am simply making an observation in a continuing "saga" type of many observations such as this about watching from afar the people I've grown up with continue with their lives.)
You know you're a hick when... (#2)
12.15.05 (11:09 pm) [edit]You know you're a hick when you're from Hicksville, NY. I seriously had a hit from this place. I nearly fell out of my chair in laughter. I'd appoligize to whomever it is that is from there, but the hit was due to the "lesbian anime video" so I doubt they will be returning. But just in case, sorry I had to poke fun at your town/city; the opprotunity was just too ripe to not pick it! :D
Memory verse suggestion?
12.15.05 (12:38 am) [edit]My devo today (or yesterday, depending on your perception) challenged me to pick 5 verses and memorize them. Any suggestions? Something really good, juicy, and not Sunday school ones either like "For God so loved the world..." Don't get me wrong; those are great verses too, but I'd like something that I seriously don't already know.
Depressed with hot blog listing
12.13.05 (10:38 pm) [edit]I was going to really blog, but a slip of my butterfingers made it all disappear. (A Butterfinger candy bar sounds great right now, but that is neither here nor there.) So instead I just wanted to say that it's great having my blog in listed amongst the "hot blogs" on tblog, but the only reason I'm there is due to my "lesbian anime videos", which depresses me. Not only because no one cares about what I really say, but mostly because having c-rap like that is how one skyrockets to stardom. All I have left to say about that is :P. I'm done.
You know you\'re a hick when... (#1)
12.11.05 (10:42 am) [edit]You know you're hick when your boyfriend's name is Jim Bob or Bobby Ray. Or in the case of a a girlfriend, Lariann. (Sarah, Angie, Randall-- I love ya'll, but those names are just ridiculous.)I will have more "You know you're a hick when..." real live examples soon. Aren't you excited?
"cancel relationship"
12.10.05 (9:16 am) [edit]I was editing my facebook profile yesterday, and happened to glance up at the "relationship" section. For those of you that don't have facebook, you have the option to say you're in a relationship, and then have a link to your significant other's profile. So in your profile under the heading "personal" appears "relationship status: in a relationship with (name of person with link to their profile)" Anyway, I was merrily editing along, when I glanced up at the part where you can edit your relationship status. Under the current setting is the "cancel relationship" option. I just thought that was a funny way to state that... "cancel relationship". If only ending relationships was that easy; just click a button, and *poof* gone. (No, Greg, I am not wishing it were that easy for me personally at this given moment.) So, yes, that is my funny for the day that didn't turn out as funny as it sounded in my head.
The Amazing Toothbrush Mystery
12.09.05 (7:40 pm) [edit]The most amazing thing happens to me almost daily. Ok, it doesn't happen to me personally, but to my toothbrush. Somehow nearly every day, my toothbrush finds its way to the bathroom floor. I don't put it there; that's for sure. When I'm finished using it, I either leave it on the counter next to the sink, or in the toothbrush holder. But it always ends up on the floor. I'm wondering if maybe my sister secretly takes my toothbrush and brushes the floor with it like they do on Forrest Gump, and then leave it there, laughing the whole time. That's scary. Anyway, that's the end of The Amazing Toothbrush Mystery. *Twilight Zone theme music*
procrastination
12.05.05 (3:50 pm) [edit]Guess what I'm doing right now. Well, I was going to be bored and just write junk, but Greg just called and made a bunch of really bad excuses for skipping Bible study with me for a Roadhouse dinner with the boys, so now I'm just sad. I think I'll go wallow, and actually study for my finals.
scholarship annoucement
12.04.05 (3:24 pm) [edit]I am currently all smiles; let me fill you in as to why.
A few months back, a 1940 graduate of HSU passed away. When her will was looked over, it was discovered that HSU was to receive $10 million worth of her estate--the largest single gift HSU has ever received. Now, that got me excited because I knew they had to put some of that to scholarships. Then I was informed by the honors program director in my honors class this week that $7.5 million of that is going towards the honors program. This is getting better all the time. Then I just read an article on the HSU website saying that a lot of that will toward scholarships just for the honors students, and that perhaps four lucky honors kids will get "full-ride" scholarships which has never before been offered by HSU. Currently, the honors program is small because it began accepting students the year before I arrived at HSU. With the addition of next year's students--if they keep the class sizes the same, which they probably will because small class size is one of the nonors program's goals-- there will be only about 75 kids I'll be competeing with for a "full-ride". :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D I haven't heard how the scholarships will be decided upon, probably because the honors program hasn't had time to convene and discuss the issue yet. I'm hoping the scholarships are not need based. I'm poor, just not as poor as others. There's a few missionary kids in my class, and the others as well, I presume. At least one of them will get one, I'm sure. Then there's one girl in my class that grew up in the ghetto, so she'd probably get one too. But I'm hopeful. God knows who needs help of that magnitude, and I would imagine, I'm not the worst off. Getting one would be amazing though!
A joke.
12.01.05 (6:37 am) [edit]A joke.
So a patient walks into a cancer clinc. She looks around the waiting room, and seeing the large about of people she walks up to the front desk. She states to the clerk behind the desk, "I need to get back to see the doctor quick." Then she leans her head through the window and whispers, "I've got cancer."
The clerk whispers back, "See all these people. They all have cancer too." The patient takes a seat.
-Courtesy of real life drama of my mother.
