hung out to dry
12.30.04 (7:33 pm) [edit]a rag
have you ever felt
like a used dish rag
ratty, dirty, old
left out to dry?
i feel about like one,
myself,
who is...?
oh yes,
how could i forget;
you remind me
everyday
as you beat me
to dislodge the muck
adhered to me
by you when you washed
away your grime
by you when you
hung me out to dry.
revelations from the bedside of a wisdom teeth removal victim
12.27.04 (4:44 pm) [edit]*creepy pipe organ music* BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!! i have returned from the dead...well, almost. i thought i was dead. after my surgery i slept so much i might as had been dead...i was dead to the world come to think of it. *corny joke percussion cue* i slept and read and put ice packs on my face for 2 whole days while i laid in bed doped up on pain killers and nausea supressors while eating my entire food comsumption from a blender. *gag* i almost quite literally did gag on that... slop. puréed chicken and carrots is not so awesome to say the least. awww, don't you feel sorry for me? i do. *angel, halo, big innocent smile, ding* but anyway, after the first two days it stunk even more. how can that be possible you say? i could get out of bed, didn't have to wear those ice packs on my cheeks constantly, and was much more lucid when "get-well-sooners" arrived, but i couldn't do aNyThInG! i felt like i could conquer the world...except when i swayed in circles as i walked about due to lingering dizziness left by the meds. i wanted to get going...do stuff you know? like go outside...although that was not exactly an option for any living creature as it was about 15 degrees and snowing outside... on the out-skirts of a texas desert, i will remind you.
eventually (after 4 days!) the dizziness subsided, and i had my check up visit today which came back with a good bill of health and clearance to try the new bike santa brought for me. :-D hoo-rah!
so, in conclusion for those of you wishing for an overall horror level for your future reference i will say... about a 5. the procedure itself...i slept happily-literally :-D- through the entire thing. i neither felt nor heard those massive drills. (word of caution- most regular dentists don't put you to sleep, so go for the oral surgeon if you can.) as i said, the meds do a number on ya (or maybe that's just me, since this was my first major procedure with major drugs). the thing that stunk was not being able to do anything for a week, and now only minimal activity. that's my worst fear cause i'm a really active person. the ice packs weren't a trip to the park either...because of them i could only sleep in 20 minute intervals. :-p that was a challenge when my eyelids weighed a ton.
well, anywho, time to disappear...or something. lol. later. God bless.
mary, the virgin whore?
12.19.04 (2:51 pm) [edit]during the Christmas season everywhere you turn you hear about the Christmas story (or at least i hope you're hearing of it everywhere you turn). you've heard it a bazillion and one times by this late in the Christmas season, but i'd like you consider one point of view that few ever put much thought on- the virgin mary's.
think of the most pious young woman you can think of. no really, think of someone. she's righteous, goes to every church service made available to her, tithes, never curses, and is always eager to share her faith anywhere, anytime, to anyone. wow. what a great lady. sometimes too great. your parents, or mentors are always telling you, "you should try to be more like so-and-so." :roll: those high expectations put on you are often stress causes, so sometimes you wish this girl would just jump off a cliff so you won't have to put up with everyone's comments, but then again, you secretly WOULD like be as reverent as her. this girl is not much for looks however. she's cute, yes, but not gorgeous. she's of low to average income, so has few fancy clothes, except for what she wears to church on sunday. now, this young lady is engaged to a wonderful young man. the best the town has to offer. again, not so much in the looks department, but he's just as pious as her, from a good family, and has a steady job, although not a great paying one; they'll manage. great pair. future sunday school teachers or whatever.
then, *duh, nuh, nuh* she turns up pregnant! *gasp* what a ripple goes through town. everyone's talking about it- the last girl anyone thought would have pre-marital sex it seems has. what a shame. what an outrage! the worst of it is, she can't explain who the father is comprehensibly. so not just one guy, but perhaps many! what gossip! i can hear it now.
take it back to our "mary" character. what's she think of all this? "lowly little me...chosen to be the mother of the Messiah. can it be true? but the angel said it was true! or was i hallucinating? am i crazy? what about joseph? what will he think? will he call off our marriage? he has every right to. i guess i'll have to trust God in this one" *skreech* wo, there. that there trusting in God stuff takes a whole lot of faith, partner. here mary is, the icon of the town, preganant. not good. if i were her, i would have gotten so mad at God! my version probably would have looked a little more like this... *shakes fist* "darn it, God! why did ya have to go and make ME the pregnant one?! i have a reputation to keep up! you know that! everyone's gonna have a field day with this one! how will i ever recover? maybe i'll just skip town, change my name, color my hair, get some colored contacts..." but no, mary was totally at peace with her situation, because she trusted God and His plan. wow. you go, girl!
"mary" has to live with this mark "against" her in society for the rest of her life too, i'm sure. can't you just here the whispers, "hey look over there. there goes that mary girl." "wasn't she the real good-two-shoes that got pregnant a while back." "ya. that WAS a mess. but what great gossip!" yet, she didn't skip town, or dye her hair or whatever. she stood her ground amongst her own people. they looked down on her, but she looked over their heads. what courage!
i'm not catholic, but i think we protestants in an effort to remove ourselves from the Catholic church, we forget what a great example of faith, and courage the virgin mary was. really consider her point of view of the Christmas story this holiday season. merry Christmas ya'll, since i probably won't be back on here till after Christmas due to my oral surgery occuring tomorrow morning. be in prayer for me and my teeth! thanks! bless you all!
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12.18.04 (9:59 pm) [edit]Hey, i just read your blog.
Tell kenny that i'm behind him 100% with his going to the military. I've developed a deeper respect for him for doing this than i have for most people for doing anything else, and i know i prolly won't get a chance to tell him that. If i can't give him anything else, then tell him i'm giving him my prayers for his safety, and hope for the best between yall- greg
thanks greg! i'll pass your message along to mr. kenny.
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12.15.04 (8:26 pm) [edit]hullo! just wanted 2 "comment" quick about how im a fellow christian, and its lovely 2 find others who put verses and Jesus stuff up on their blogs. keep up the good work. =)GOD BLESS! -manda
thanks for the comment! you know how it goes, once ya find Him can't keep it to yourself for long! God bless ya sister!
off kenny goes into the wild blue yonder
12.14.04 (6:57 pm) [edit]it's been awhile hasn't it? sorry about that, haven't had a) anything of interest to talk about, or b) the time to talk about what has come up, but no matter, i'm here now. :)
it still doesn't seem real to me. it being that kenny- the guy i'm courting- will quickly be departing for basic, then off to who-knows-where to either work with crazy people, or with live bombs...hmm... which is worse? the human bomb, or the human-made bomb :( used to when he or anyone else even mentioned it, i'd start bawling, but now... i guess i've put up a wall, like my mom does when one of her patients dies. *sigh* no, this does not mean you vipers out there can come attack me again for a date; i've said no to you all once-and in some cases 2, or, 3, or even 4 times- and i do not feel the slightest inclinition that i will change my mind about any of the propositions i have been offered as of late. besides that, i don't date, so there. :p going against my parents' will-what else is new?- i will strive to keep a relationship with mr. kenny. it's gonna be hard...especially at first, since he won't be able to call me at all during basic-6 weeks-and after that, MAYBE a few times for like 6 months while he goes off to special training... or whatever it's called; i'm not up on the armed force lingo. i guess i will be. i have a lot to learn.
speaking of learning, i think this Christmas break, i'm going to work on my cooking...along with filling out about a dozen scholarship forms/essays. my grandma has always said that all you really need to be able to "cook" is one awesome main dish, a scrumtous side dish, and a yummy dessert, then of course one breakfast dish around this house, cause we take breakfast seriously.
back to the kenny going away business, my plan is to keep a diary, and write it as if i were writing to him, and then give it to him when a) he comes back from training, or b) when he gets out. i haven't decided yet when. but shhhh...don't tell him. i'm hoping he doesn't read this...he hasn't exactly made a habit of it. great supporter, huh? :roll:
i've started a work out program :D i do cardio twice a week, lift weights twice a week, then do pilates 3 times a week. i'm seeing results already, and it's only been 2 weeks! i'm just doing toning, cause too much muscle in my opinion is really gross, especially on ladies, but it's nasty on guys too.
great, my mother has read over my shoulder and so i've gotten the "no! you need to 'experience the world'!" :p whatever. i can't stay in here with my family anymore. i'll go watch tv in my room. good bye.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T and the Christmas pickle
12.06.04 (8:13 pm) [edit]i am coming off the most tiring, trying, and experience filled weekend of my life. yes, ladies and gents, i worked alllll weekend *gasp* i know, me working, that sounds like an oxymoron, i know, but i promise i did! all the work was work... not exactly fun, long, and like i said, tiring. but at 2 of the jobs i undertook this weekend of the 3, i learned more than business skill.
my first job of the weekend was officaling a usta tennis tournament. easy huh? yea right. why would anything go smoothly under my watch? i, for some strange reason, was put in charge of the site i was posted at, so in a sense, i wasn't just an offical there, but also the referee (the big dog *gasp*) ya, me, the one that has officaled ONE other tournament. then i found out who i was over...newbies. that explains it. so i had a new offical to watch over, and a rookie site director. great. they'd be no help. everybody got there on time at least, but problems started around 8 a.m.... joy. maniac dad wants to get every second of practice he can in for his daughter; i had to address him personally in a loud voice to get him to comply with my request to come to the tournie desk to get court assignments. shesh. if that wasn't bad enough, he didn't speak english very well, and unfortunantly, it wasn't spanish he was fluent in...french or italian, i think; couldn't tell which. but he finally got off the court anyway; matches were assigned properly, with the correct score system explained, and my shift on the court began. not but about 5 minutes into the matches, but a mom comes up to me, and reuests that i speak with the same foriegn guy again, because not only is he coaching, he's standing on the court. :roll: geez. so i talk to him, and tell him to get off the court, since i could do nothing about the coaching business unless i saw it personally. he got a little ticked off, until i explained that he could stand behind the fence if he so chose. that seemed to pacify him...but only for a little while. eventually, i caught him coaching-not only with hand signals, but verbally as well. i confronted him, and he applied red herring-thank you, ms. popey- that is he attacked my credibilty as an offical. i have never been spoken to in such a manner before in my entire life! well, except by my parents, but they have that right. i was so ticked off, that i eventually had to just stop talking to him, and walk away, shaking like a leaf i was sooooo angry!!!! in that situation i learned somthing about myself and my surroundings: i do not handle personal attacks very well, because of being sheltered in this same town for nearly all my life. everyone knows me here, and respects me, so they don't attack me; well, except in middle school when we were all trying to steal each others' "boyfriends" but that was just, "hoe!" and "i'm not your friend anymore!" back and forth, not this unadultered hatered i felt that morning toward that man. i feel bad for just flat out dispising the man, especially when i hardly know him, or understand him for that matter. i understand that that's what daddies do- protect the intrest of their little girls. my daddy does that, and has almost gone as far as that man when it comes to tennis. but still, she's just 10! it's just tennis! no one will die! anyway, after he insulted me, i replied that if he had a problem with me he could file a complaint with the usta offical's board, and turned my back on him while he spat some more c-rap, but i was so mad i didn't hear him any longer. i recieved alot of compliments from other parents saying that i handled the situation very maturly, and should be proud. :-D
besides that job, i also babysat that same day in the evening, but the only thing i encountered there was the reinforcement of my resitent toward children.
on sunday afternoon, i volunteered as a hostess at a home walk through fund raiser for one of the local Christian private schools. to say the least, the home was emaculate; right out of a magazine perfect. the house was a cute little stucco exterior, and the southwest flavor followed into the house with somesort of sand colored tile, and high beamed ceilings. the lady of the house had done all the decor herself. the home was equipped with every eminity you could think of-built in entertainment cener custom made to fit their very large screen plasma tv, 5 huge walk in closets, landscaped yard on the golf course, 5 bathrooms, 1 of which was equipped with those japanese toliets that cleanse you (all together now *ooooo, ahhhh*) anyway, while i was standing at the front door of this beautiful home earning service hours by greeting each stranger that came to tromp through this house-i guess that's what old/rich ladies do for fun-with a plastered on smile and a, "welcome" in a too stiff voice, i learned about the Christmas pickle tradition which many of the wealthier families participate in. the Christmas pickle is of course a pickle that is hidden in the Christmas tree. the person who finds the Christmas pickle gets an extra present. some families use a pickle ornament instead of the real deal so as to deter from that acrid pickle smell. i thought that was quite interesting....and hilarious! it's all i could do to stop from bursting into laughter as these 5-8 houty, totty ladies discussing the "Christmas pickle".
anyway, have a great day. God bless, and don't forget to put your mittens on; it's getting cold out there. :D
College Confusion
12.02.04 (8:16 pm) [edit]The future for people looking toward the heights of college is often a large looming question mark hanging over our heads forever and ever amen, until we arrive on the other side of college; looking back at a large luminous building; grasping a strange roll of parchment in our hands; pondering, “What just happened here”. Often times, we cannot see the future past today, or even the current hour, but yet the time of our life requires us to make some of the most pressing, long-term decisions of our entire lives while we hang drugged on opinions and numb from the confusion in mid air; caught between our hearts, our minds, and all the differing opinions which twist and turn as if in a kaleidoscope from all those we hold dear and some from those we do not treasure so much, and would rather see dematerialize-along with their opinions-never to poke and prod us again. Amiss all the chaos of the future, take a moment to gaze through all the whirling mass. See that steady center axial? The axial controls that whole whirling mass of crazy questions, decisions, and opinion; that axial happens to be God. He filters everything that goes into the mass, decides upon how fast the tornado spins-fast enough to require our confusion-so we will lean on His understanding- but not so speedy we can’t see anything through the rain. Don’t force God to spin the Decision-O-Matic with such speed that you fall and hurt yourself-that is the last things God wants for you-lean on Him before you begin to sway; He’ll support and guide you through the dizziness, and every step along the way to the rest of your life.
