the writer's curse
07.31.04 (11:10 am) [edit]fellow writers: are you cursed as i? for the life of me, i can't speak fluently and intelligently, yet somehow God gave me the gift to slap all my thoughts on paper with realative ease. (no, i'm not a mute, or social recluse or something.) i know i should be appreciative of my gifts, cause you know they don't just appear all the time, but it's rather annoying not being able to audibly communicate as well, as i write...which isn't much for show either.
just noticed that last night when in a highly intelligent-or at least high in comparison to what converstation i am generally on the recieving end of-i had with a buddy of mine, sean. he's a great speaker...unfortunantly for me. his words came out so crisp and well thought out, that when i added something, my words just seemed like a smeared mustache across the mona lisa's perfect portrait. guess we can't all be good at everything (rats!)
anyone else have this problem...or the opposite problem?
one more thing
07.31.04 (10:56 am) [edit]just thought i'd add, i was less ranting at the person, and the blog mentioned, and more at the world for falling into such trappings...person and blog just got caught up in the mess as my "informed" example. so much for informed. guess even i make mistakes :wink: lol
quick to assume
07.31.04 (10:43 am) [edit]lo siento. it seems i have assumed too much too quickly, but i still don't like it, as i have posted below. but yes, this is just my opinion; i just happen to like mine. hehe.
what it takes
07.31.04 (9:59 am) [edit]i am totally disgusted. a female blogger-will not mention sn, or blog- has thought it necessary to post a nude picture of herself as the background for her title heading. then another male blogger replies in his blog that, oh she's so hott, you should check her out! followed by a poem. sick, sick, sick. is that what we ladies have to go to get a guy's attention these days?! pose nude? dress in as near to nothing as you can get? what ever happened to good old *sings* personality? does the actual person-the inside (outside is just a shell...some are blessed by their shells, others are not so blessed)-matter anymore at all? is this what it takes? if so, i don't care! cause i'm not conforming. i'd prefer to be not noticed at all...a wall flower...be respectable, than degrad myself, the human body, and the human race by exposing myself indecintly.
ok, i'm off my soap box now. :shock: ya, i know, shocking isn't it? :wink: God bless!
report
07.29.04 (11:28 am) [edit]tennis boot camp report: nothing has gone on since last report...except for about 100 pushups. rain has rained out my parade. :( and today doesn't seem to hold much promise either. cadet just reported that there is a large looming storm cloud slowly creeping it's way toward us. o joy. *smashes head on keyboard* THIS IS TEXAS...IN THE SUMMER!!! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO RAIN!!!! :evil:
well, i have to clean up the lunch table, and then try to beat the storm clouds to the tennis courts. no more for today. i need to be reading some more of pilgrim's progress...it's due on the second, and i've read 70 of 300 some odd pages. *sheepish grin* God bless!
love troubles
07.28.04 (10:06 pm) [edit]hi there readers. you know what? i have fans! i do; i do; i promise! it feels great to have fans. :D i love you guys! *muah, muah*ya, ya, ok, gotta remain humble, right? lol.
i joined kenny at his youth group tonight in hopes of hearing a real lesson, instead of going to a smoke hall filled with mullets the public at large would call a "bowling alley". *shudders* can't stand those places, but yes, i went mainly for the lesson, cause it seems the must-have-more-"youth group interaction" disease has infiltrated the lines of defense at my youth group, just as it seems many other youth groups have been infected. i literally thank God that just as my youth group is slipping into this trend "for the summer slow down"- :roll: whatever-kenny's youth group is beginning to recover from it's ailments.
now the lesson; that's the important part. i learned at youth this evening why here lately i haven't been the most friendly person in the world. i don't know if the rest of you have noticed it, but sophmore year i was incredibly outgoing-annoyingly so to some- yet this past school year i was a bit more reserved. you know why? because i don't love myself like i should. as a result of me not loving myself, i can't properly love others. do you know why i don't love myself? because i'm not dating. i learned about myself tonight that i rely on others obvious love for me to inform myself of my worth. since i don't have some guy attached to my hip going, "i love you, baby" i don't feel like i'm worthless. isn't that sad? that i draw my worth from others? NO! i SHOULD draw my worth from God cause He loves me so much that He sent Jesus to die one of the most painful deaths known to man...that's His only Son, we're talking about here. i'm worth THAT much to God. you know what else? i'm perfect cause God made me that way...just right for whatever He has in mind for me on this hunk of dirt we call earth. so, i have no right to tell myself junk like, "you're just not smart enough" or "you're getting a little chubby there, aren't we". NO! i am perfect. i know you "give yourself bricks"-superchic[k]-too. i know i do. you know what else? all the above goes for YOU too! God loves you alot...a ton, a ton. if He didn't a) He wouldn't have made us in the first place b) He wouldn't have sent Jesus, and c) He wouldn't forgive us for all the c-rap we do to Him-like forgetting our prayers, and not reading His letters (the Bible), and turning our backs on His commands when He needs us to follow through the most.
all of this is rooted in my love troubles...trouble loving myself. treat yourself to something special today. maybe a self spa treatment...or an extra cookie at dinner (hehe, i broke my challenge a bit at dinner today for my treat *angel smiley*), or maybe allow yourself to just stop and smell the roses for once. we teens tend to get a lil over run with activities alot.
well, my dad's kickin me off. hope you can learn through my mistakes and those of others; you won't live long enough to make them all yourself!
God bless you!
growing up
07.27.04 (7:24 am) [edit]a week or so ago, my grandma told me that my aunt had called her and informed her that she at shipped my birthday present by mail. my aunt also relayed more details of this present like "only because she's turning 18" and "it's what every southern lady needs". interesting puzzle i thought. could it be a delicate hankie with my initials embrodered in a corner next to a beautiful flower embrodered by hand with care? no. could it be a small lace parasol? nope, nice try. how about a beautiful dress? nope. this is my aunt we're talking about so obviously this gift has to be jelwery. so what does every southern lady need? a set of pearls it seems. i may be southern, but i don't count myself a grown up lady yet! i appreciate the gift, but i probably will not fully appreciate them till i'm older, you know? i'm terrified i'm not going to store them correctly. and where will i wear them?! not like i'm a social elite, so i don't have any where but school formals to wear these. but you don't wear pearls to school!
i have a question... why is it that 18 came to symbolize an adult? i know plenty of kids that are all grown up, because of the life situations they have been forced into. like a parent dying, or getting pregant. ok, given some of those life changing situations fail to make some grow up, but most do grow into adults quite quickly when extreme stituations rear their ugly heads. then there are some true adults that have NEVER grown up. like my tennis coach/employer duke. he's probably in his mid to upper 60s, yet he still plays tennis for hours on end like he was 14 or something.
ok, yes, i admit it, i'm scared of growing up. ok, i said it. happy?! i don't feel like i'm about to be an "adult". i mean what makes august 5th of 2004 different from august 4th 2004? on the 4th, i'm still a kid, on the 5th, i'm an "adult". does this make since to anyone else? does change not scare anyone else? cause i'm know i'm freakin out. 1st, i'm an adult...then i'll be purchasing my cap and gown...then i'll be wearing them...then i'll be moving out. YIKES! so many changes in only one year. *hmpf* not fair. oh well, i can't stick in the past my whole life. gotta move on and *gag* grow up.
tennis boot camp report days 1 & 2
07.27.04 (6:01 am) [edit]tennis boot camp began yesterday for drill sergent bria. ok, so i only have one cadet, but that cadet gets special attention. :twisted: tennis boot camp day one report: cadet awakened at 7 am followed by being forced to eat my too dry scrambled eggs. (hey, i have to practice my cooking on somebody, don't i?) then we walked, well, i walked, she stumbled along under the "horrific" weight of a bucket of tennis balls, water jug, and 2 tennis rackets for the about 4 blocks to the middle school courts. here, we hit tennis balls for an hour followed by 30 minutes of sprints. boot camp didn't commence again till the afternoon. we were supposed to be down at the courts by 1:30, but in reality didn't get started till 2:15 because cadet had to throw a fit, then she had to complete her punishment- 120 pushups, and 8 sweet sixteens. all that for the weight of 2 tennis rackets. boo stinkin hoo. toughen up! :D hit for an hour once we got there, then did the circuit machines at the ymca. over all, drill sergent bria ordered around 300 pushups. i think yesterday was a succesful day.
tennis boot camp day 2 incomplete report: today began quite rudely for the cadet at 5 am, with drill sergent jumping on her bed yelling, "GET UP!! GET UP!!" after the cadet writhed, and screamed bloody murder for a while, and after 20 pushups, the cadet finally rose and dressed out. then drill sergent, and cadet ran a mile followed by a lovely free weight work out. which reminds me...we didn't do our super mans!!! *gasp* the rest of today's boot camp will consist of 2 straight hours of tennis balls this afternoon, as long as the rain doesn't get us. other wise we'll just be running in the rain :twisted: hehe.
over and out!
junk food challenge
07.25.04 (5:52 pm) [edit]i have decided to give myself another challange this week...just to make life a lil more interesting. so i, bria, am going to not eat ANY junk food for a week. starting now i will not consume anything that has no nutrional value such as chips, cookies, donuts, sodas, candy, and even my beloved cereal. *sniffle* i will miss you cereal...pardon me while i wallow in my parting sorrow. :wink:
brunei darussalam
07.25.04 (4:18 pm) [edit]i just thought everyone should recognize this lil country called brunei darussalam. i had never heard of it, until one of my readers popped up as being from there, so i figured not many other people knew about it either; or maybe i'm just ignorant, and don't keep up with world politics...which is true. *angel smiley* so anyway, here's the the country's offical website.
[url=]http://www.brunei.gov.bn/[/url]
have a nice time visting brunei darussalam!!
comment
07.24.04 (2:20 am) [edit]"each and every religion has it's time and fanatics"
"do you know what i have come to realize? all religious people (it doesn't matter which particular religion.) are protrayed as crazy in any secular movie, novel, music, or anyother sort of entertainment "
"each and every religion has it's time and fanatics"
Maybe thats why people call its crazies becuase there memory can only recall the fanatics or radicals in religion. It's like the quote everything goes around in a circle. They just are waiting for the religious fanatics to come around agian.
-jesusisangry
my response:
i totally agree with you! well said, friend.
will explain further...
people tend to gravitate toward being negative. we all do that. we only remember the worst day of our lives, not the best. which truely is sad. anyway... we also only remember the weirded out religious folks as well, and that is how we label the entire religion/culture. let's try to be a little more friendly to our fellow earthlings, and take into consideration the entire population of a specific group, and not just a sampling. now, who ever said i was narrow minded? :wink: (to those that do believe above statement.)
comment
07.17.04 (9:56 pm) [edit]"most religions call their practicers to be peace loving,"
The christians had crusades, the prostants the witch hunting, the catholic the spanish inquisation, muslims jihad, all have been done in the name of religion. I would like to what relgions are peace loving?
-jesusisangry
my reply i have sent to my reader:
notice i didn't say that most religious people ARE peace loving. they are CALLED to be such. each and every religion has it's time and fanatics that created quite the uproar. great question. thanks!
big laugh
07.17.04 (9:50 pm) [edit]HAHAHAHAHA!!!! i just wanted to take a moment to laugh at some poor lost soul caught in the act. i was flipping through the pages of keywords that landed people at my blog, and one of the came up as "porn". yes, porn! HAHAHA! poor chap, thought he had found some horny teenager, and found a preaching one instead! HAHAHAHA! nanner, nanner! i hope they learned their lesson...snooping around the net for that junk.
alright, we've all had our laugh...let me boost my number of visitors for a moment. porn...porn...PORN...pork!!! oink oink oink! hahahaha. :D i promise, i don't suffer from insanity; i enjoy it! lol God bless you all!
crazies
07.17.04 (9:00 pm) [edit]do you know what i have come to realize? all religious people (it doesn't matter which particular religion.) are protrayed as crazy in any secular movie, novel, music, or anyother sort of entertainment. i wonder why this is so?
perhaps it is because we religious folks are "different". yes, of course we're going to be different, other wise we're not doing our job of being examples to the secular world. (or at least, i'm asuming that this is the case with other religions outside Christianity.)
perhaps is is because people like to poke fun at people that don't conform. this practice is totally rediculous. you know why? because the non-conformers are stronger, that's why. often, most religions call their practicers to be peace loving because just like beauty paegent contestants, most people want peace more than anything, which makes the religion appeal to human beings. as a result, many do not retaliat at the secular world's taunts so the world pokes more and more, testing.
you know, i don't know why religious people are viewed as crazy...why don't you tell me. e-mail me, and i'll post it for you cause my comments don't work *cough...rocky...cough*
comment
07.15.04 (2:38 pm) [edit]here's a lil comment from a pal...sure hope my comments work again soon *cough, cough*...rocky...
Hey!! It's Flyhoneydew ... I just thought I'd send you an e-mail since your comments aren't working. I wanted to thank you for posting on my blog and I guess I just wanted to say 'hey' God Bless you sister!
small miracles
07.15.04 (11:02 am) [edit]you know what i have discovered? even the smallest miracles can turn your world from horrible, to joyous in about .2 milliseconds, if you stop to consider the glass half full. allow me to explain.
yesterday began innocently enough. i got up early as usual, and headed for the city park to run a mile around the track there. i had gone maybe 10 steps when i heard a scragely high pitched voice sear the air like a bullet hurtling in my direction. "Is that bria?!" i whirled toward the voice in the center of a large field about 100 yards away. it was none other than my past year's english teacher, ms. popey. i had not wished to see the woman ever again in my life; the day i stepped out of her classroom for the last time, i stopped to thank God that i had escaped for the most part unscathed from this dragon of literature, yet here she popped into my life for only about 2 seconds, thankfully. she continued shouting after i had made recoginition that indeed i was myself, "do you know how you did on your ap tests yet?!" i shouted back, "NO!" and then continued my run. a little rude of me to leave like that, but i was running and she was walking her dog, and as i said, i did not wish to see this woman for a long time; although, that is no excuse for rude turtness.
miracle #1: i did not know my ap scores at the time i saw ms. popey. i received them all in the mail yesterday afternoon. i'm blessed by God Himself, because i didn't have to tell ms. popey i failed her test, along with allll the rest. no, i do not wish to talk about the tests themselves, and do not require your condolances. i'm trying to put those behind me.
when i came to the realization i had been the receipiant of a small miracle, after brimming with tears when i had ripped open that envelope with such enthusiasm, i aquired a half smile to my face, and murmered a thanks to Big-Guy-Upstairs for saving me that embarresment.
another slightly larger miracle boosted my mood later yesterday evening. the rest of te day had gone just as horribly as the ap scores. i couldn't do anything right yesterday, so i was doing everything i had to do two times; therefore, taking twice as much time. nothing maddens me more quickly than wasted time, and failure all rolled into one. i tried to calm myself down, and mellow my mood out with a lovely game of whacking golf balls around at the local mini golf place. (we don't say the p-p word here.) smacking those balls helped some, but the fresh round of horrible failure did not. when i arrived home, i was in about the same place emotionally as i had been when i left-mad/sad/tired, so i went to my room to escape my crumbling paradise to deleve into some else's life for just moment through [u]pilgrim's progress[/u]. (which so far is very good, and i highly recommend it.) as i sat in my corner reading/studying chair, my mom walked in, handed me a poem of condolences on my ap scores. (when something goes wrong, she always writes a poem. sounds familiar doesn't it?) she sat on my bed for a little while, as she spoke of her upcoming decisions about work changes. i was getting little bored with her talk, since it didn't involve myself directly, or anyone i knew except my mom, so i began to let my eyes wonder.
miracle #2: as my eyes wondered around the room, they came to rest on my curtain next to my chair. it's a roman blind, so it has little pocketed folds all over it. i pulled at the bottom to peek inside the fold, and low and behold, there lies my gold and black sapphire covenant ring. the ring-which symbolizes my commitment to not date- had been missing for about 6 months now, since about march. i had yet to tell my aunt, who had given it to me two Christmas's ago, that the ring had gone missing. she would have had a fit because since it was she that bought it for me, it must have cost a small fortune. my aunt, you see, has very expensive taste, which has been the death of her and my uncle's bank account. she regularly gives gifts of such magnitude to family, and had not only bought this ring, but had had it designed for me as well. when i saw it lying so innocently there in my curtain, as if shouting, "you found me!" at the end of a game of hide-and-seek. needless to say, i was quite exuberant when i pulled it from the pocket, and continue to smile when i look down at my hand, and find my long lost friend sitting regaly on my middle finger.
hope God blesses you with a small miracle today!
one girl revolution
07.13.04 (10:50 pm) [edit]hello there! guess what...*sings* i'm a one girl revolution. :D it seems i've started a revolution on the tennis team at school, or opened the flood gates i guess i could say. another player-all ditchers to remain anonomous-is pretty much off the team, just hasn't told coach yet. another player is being forced to choose between tennis, and soccer, his/her first love, and yet another player is considering leaving as well, but status is unknown at the time of this publication. all 3 of these players were expectant top 6 players. so that makes a total of 4 lost. *evil laugh* look what i've done. :twisted: *wrings hands* now what havoc can i reak across the courts. lol. so, it seems there will be no cougar tennis team this next year...although we already knew that. one of the many reasons that made leaving that much easier on me. i'm going to laugh, and then feel really sad when we get last in district this year. i'll still probably go and watch most of the home games, cause i think i'm going to try to get into watching the events at school...sports, plays, art competitions. but the first player i mentioned up there, this person's dad is one of the physical therapy professors over at hardin-simmons (where i will probably end up going to school) and i was hoping to become his best friend. *angel smiley*
well, sorry to blog about something that is nothing to a global audience. tough nuggets this time. that's all folks. my shower calls my name cause i've got so much dirt, dust, and grime on me from crawling around on the dirty floor at the new church site. later. God bless!
bittersweet
07.11.04 (10:55 pm) [edit]*gasp* it has been a week since i've blogged!!! wow, and about that long since i've typed as well, given i am having a little trouble locating the correct keys. shesh. this is going to take a while.
you know what really stinks? i've had all these great ideas for blogs, but they've all left me now. great. o well
guess what i did last week. i got my senior pics taken! it felt very strange doning that cap and gown. a bit of a flash back to kindergarten graduation *awww* lol but really, this is the beginning of the end, guys. scary. i think i'm finally beginning to understand the meaning of bittersweet; granduation is the epitomy. i want to get out into the "real" world. live my life. start over. you know? but then again, i'm quite stuck in old habits, and on old friends. it still hasn't hit me that this is my last year. i know it is at the back of my mind, but at the same time, it's just another school year...except with higher expectations, and much higher costs. :roll:
well, i must get up early in the morning to do my sprints, and then join the paint crew up at church for a lovely day of slathering gloss on bookcases. joy...well, sometimes it is. :D God bless you all!
comments
07.04.04 (10:27 pm) [edit]forgot to add...my comments don't seem to be working. will get a message to rocky about this soon. sorry for the inconvience; although, some how i feel it is more of an inconvience to me than it is to you.
ambitions
07.04.04 (10:24 pm) [edit]ok, since i totally just erased my blog, i'm a little angry. good thing it was boring and dull and i'm wired with enough energy to light the city's firework display, and then some :D the reason being i slept alllll afternoon-from 1-5. aren't you proud of me and my lazy self. i was tired though. ok, not that tired, and yes, i agree, sleeping like that is a waste of precious time. oh well. you know what i'll do? i'll recreate my boring blog. and everyone shouted for joy.
i was talking about this evening and how i completed on of my summer goals this evening- i learned to ride. :D aren't you proud of me? i just had to learn cause eVeRy texan needs to know how to ride. even me. i've just kinda avoided it since last time i "learned"; i could only make the thing go backwards. suposedly that's the hardest part though *big broad smile* so...check! lol the rest of my summer goals (yes, this is the boring part, cause i'm sure no one cares about my dreams, goals, and aspirations *sniffle* :wink: i'll try to make it somewhat interesting, or maybe a lil funny with my words since i am the most awesome bloggist there is *puffs up*...*deflates*) are as follows:
-read through my personal summer reading list (this is not likely to occur because a) there are 18 books on that list and i've read like 5, and the summer is half done, b) i'm having trouble finding the time to read, but maybe that will be different now that summer school is over, c) having problems finding the books on my list. what library doesn't have a copy of pilgram's progress. come on now.)
-do my laundry (yes, it's cheesy, but i've been the spoiled brat that doesn't have to do her laundry, and i am now determined to do it myself because i will HAVE to in a year or so. have run into difficulties there because my mom refuses to come to the realization that her eldest is growing up, and will soon be flying as far away from the nest as she can get... which will probably be down town :D . my mama also is super picky about her iron, and won't let me put water inside it; therefore, i can't iron anything because i am not skilled in the sponging on the water method, cause my mommy didn't teach me. maybe i should just get my own iron...na, that'd be a waste of money.)
-keep my room clean (ok, ok, i have no excuse there; i'm just lazy. i told myself i would set my alarm 15 mins early so i could tidy up every morning, but i tried it....ya, i just shut the alarm off, and crawled back into the bed. *sheepish grin* this will be my goal for this week: tidy room every morning before i leave. will report back on that.)
-learn to play golf ( i added that this week, cause that's another thing everyone should do, golf. i'm horrible at
"miniture golf"-so said as not to upset those who do not wish their "sport' affiliated with the bad "p-p" word *gasp*. the local mini place holds an amiture tournie once a month; i am so bad, i don't even qualify for the bad people's tournie. so, we will see how this golf thing turns out. maybe i'll get marc to teach me. he plays for wylie. sounds like a good pick to me...*yells in sweet voice* MARC!!! would you mind... lol.
well, if the keeping room clean is to work out, i need to get to my shower now, so that i can get up at 6:45 on my summer break to clean my room before i go slave on the tennis court since i'm in "heavy training"-so says my dad- a week before my tournie. yeah, you're suposed to "heavy train" 2 weeks prior, not 1. :roll: whatever.
oh yes, up date on this past "no tv week". that didn't turn out well. i have determined it is impossible to not glance at a tv when one is on in the room you happen to walk into. it is also impossible to keep a movie you've seen a bazillion times before from playing in your head, and also impossible to not watch when your entire family is glued to it. but all things are possible through God! i'm trying again. not cold turkey this time, but censored, and ran through a strainer. so like the news, and un-suggesting movies that are not so great material when at friends' houses. wish me well, since luck is non existant-only God's favor. but that's another blog entirely. until later, fare-the-well, my blog community, and may God grant unto you His blessings. :D
scholarship search sick
07.02.04 (2:25 pm) [edit]yes, i have it. the scholarship search-itis. i have applied for every non-essay-writeage scholarship on the planet. which includes about 3 awards. what is it with these scholarship givers and essays?! what do they want from we poor students; to be super heros? we already run around like chickens with their heads cut off just to do our daily routines, and now they want us to jump through hoops of hundereds, and often times thousands of words to get the money we need to continue our education. we students don't have time for essay writting! between school, homework, jobs, clubs, and athletic practice we have no leisure time. oooo leisure time. a word unknow to the student. shhh....watch the beauty of the rare leisure time as it grazes on the savanah. ain't she beautiful? if i had free time, well, golly, i don't know what i'd do with myself. haha, i'd probably run around like a chicken with its head cut off. :D
addicted
07.01.04 (4:53 pm) [edit]*smahes head on keyboard* i am such a failure! i can't even go without watching tv for a week! ARG!! i'm ANGRY with myself. "my spirit is willing/but my flesh is so weak" i never realized how addicting tv is! just as bad as caffinated beverages. have you ever tried to get off those?! that's hard too, especially when you have dr. pepper flowing out of one of the largest dr. pepper plants on the planet in your city. :x *sigh* i suppose i just need to come up with more things to do instead of watching tv. i did well last night! i made a rose pen, and then played about a million board games with my lil sis. tonight i'm working at the new church, so no problem there.
you know what else is addictive? romance novels.yes, i can see you now. you're rolling on the floor laughing. but they are! have you ever read one? they're just like porn, except with words instead of pictures, since ladies have more imagination than guys do. guys have their playboy, and we ladies have danielle steele. we get these fake guys stuck in our heads, and hold real guys up to those standards of romance. no real guy is like that hunk out of "kisses in the rain" allll the time. that's unrealistic. stop dreaming of the perfect man, ladies, cause the guy's imperfections are what make him loveable.
ok, i'm done with my preaching today :D excited? i am. God bless
